Monday, October 29, 2012

People from your past

Do you ever wonder what happened to people you 1) once dated? 2) hung out with for a couple of months? 3) worked with? 4) went to elementary or high school with? 5) disliked?

I wonder a lot what happened to certain individuals who played an instrumental part or just was a part of it at some point in my life, like ex-boyfriends, the guy I shared a locker with, the girls I used to pass notes to in class, the 20-something club I belonged to when I worked at an ad agency, friends and acquaintances I hung out with throughout the years.

I know Facebook and LinkedIn would probably reconnect me to many of these people but I am so hesitant to join in - I don't really know the reason why. So I connect with these people, then what? You  exchange a couple of messages about what you have been up to for the past several years, and then it comes to an end. Because in reality, there's a reason why you are no longer in each other's lives.

For example, a couple of years ago, I set up a small reunion for my grade 8 class with a girlfriend I re-connected with. It was great to see everyone because it had been over 20 years since I had seen some of them. We caught up with what's been going on in our lives and then what, nothing. I haven't spoken them since then. It was really nice to see how we have all grown and maybe it would great to see them in another 20 years. I guess that's what reunion are for - to see everywhere is at with no expectations of having to maintain friendships if you don't want to.

With social media, you can creep on people's lives through their status updates and photos but really, there's no connection. It's a superficial, social relationship. I don't know if I am okay with this, maybe it's why I am not on Facebook. I rather meet up with someone in person and catch up with them face to face.

So, I want to know, do you ever seek out and find people from your past? When you do find them, do you make an attempt to meet them in person or just follow them through social media? Do you rekindle your friendship? Or do you just leave people from your past in your past and just think about the relationship you had with them and leave it at that - as a memory?


Anna Luciano of Sicilianna Beauty said...

I reconnected with someone from highschool last year. We didn't normally hang out but now we catch up/go on coffee dates regularly

Anonymous said...

what a great post. i think a lot of us think about our past and those who played a big role in it but not many of us do much about it.

i'm usually one of those people who will say hello whether that be via email or facebook but that's about it. i chalk it up to me being WAY too lazy to go out or put in the effort for small talk. also, if they don't put in effort, neither do i.

maybe if i weren't so lazy i would have connected more with them....

Lin said...

A couple of 'friends' from Jr High & HS found me on FB a few years ago. We talked a bit, stayed distant acquaintances for a few months & then it just died away. Which, I'm totally ok with. It was nice to see what they'd been up & how many kids they all had now but that was it & I was totally ok with that.

I like what you said about there being a reason why they're not in your life anymore. It's true, we grow up & change & sometimes those people just dont fit in with your life anymore.

Anonymous said...

I think that apart of us have been brainwashed to believe that just because someone is not currently in your life from your past, then they have no business in your life. To some extent this is true, but the truth varies from person to person. Everyone just isn't meant to be in your life forever. Then, because we think this way, we miss out on potentially great connections. As far as social media goes, the only people I add is people that I have met and were never on bad terms with. The conversations I have reach beyond 'hey what have you been up to?' because that is not the only thing in the world to talk about. I also make an effort to see those people in person. And the people I don't talk to that often are doing pretty well in their separate endeavors and every now and then I'll express how proud I am of them. Maybe I've just been blessed enough to have grown up around people worth talking to. You're not obligated to add your once enemies on facebook or any other social network.


ellesy said...

loved reading this post. i went through a period of time when i tried to re-connect with some of my closest friends from my past. i met up with some of them and it was nice to catch up... it was amazing how we had changed yet stayed the same and we seemed to still know each other pretty well considering the number of years with no contact.

while we still stayed facebook friends or e-mailed from time to time, we never really made an effort to meet up regularly. i think it's ok to have some people in your life who are constant and others who come in and out.

ex-boyfriends are a bit of a different story for me. we're all on good terms (i think) but i don't feel the need to keep in touch.

Elisse said...

I've tried to connect with a few people in my past - sent an email or a tweet, and rarely get a response back. I take it as a reminder why certain people stay in your life and others don't fit anymore. I did reconnect with a high school friend via Twitter and it was the right place and right time, because we were able to catch up and stay in touch! You never know if it'll work out, so I think it's worth making the first move and having no expectations about what happens next.