Saturday, January 5, 2013

When a friendship turns sour...

...can it ever become sweet again?

It's been exactly one year today that I last spoke to a very good friend of mine. For the past year, I never mentioned it on my blog and I only talked about it deeply with selected friends. I don't really know what happened, it's a blur of events but it ended with my friend cutting me off, 100 % completely. I did ask twice if I could see my friend to discuss but my friend declined the first time because my friend was busy and the second time, I didn't receive a reply. I stopped trying after that. Does that make me a bad friend?

I saw my friend four times in 2012. The first time was only weeks after the blur of events and we avoided each other. The second time we were forced into a situation unintentionally and made small talk. The third time we partied, danced and got drunk and the last time I saw her, we drank and just chatted.

Are we friends again? Yes and no. We are civil when we see each other but our friendship will never be the same. In order for that to happen, we will need to talk about the blur of events. Will that ever happen? For now, not on my part because I really can't pinpoint what I did and I can't apologize for something I don't know I did. Do I want it to happen? Of course! My friend was a great friend and I do miss my friend but there's a lot more, I think, to the whole situation. It's just hard to believe that a year has gone by and we are still not friends.

Will we ever have a sweet friendship again? Maybe. Time will tell. The one good thing I can feel right now is that there is no hatred between us. I greeted my friend a happy birthday on their birthday and they greeted me on mine. That means something right? As long as we can be civil for now and build from that, it's baby steps and maybe one day, we will talk about the blur of events and sort it all out. Hopefully sooner than later because you don't want to go on living life with regrets.


Anonymous said...

just give it time. i was in a similar situation and it was just *weird* between us. we never spoke of the issue but it was that elephant in the room that made us keep our distance although we were civil to one another whenever we saw each other. we kept the peace because we ran in the same circles.

i figured there wasn't any point in trying to make things right because this person could be pretty stubborn so i left it. in time (it took several years), things just became normal again and to this day, we never speak of it but it's just something "that just happened".

the fact that you both are acknowledging certain special days is very good; time will heal all wounds

Elisse said...

I hope everything works out in the end with you two. If your friend could read this post, he/she would see just how important the friendship is to you.

lori said...

i hate these situations! i think that you should talk to her about it the next chance you get... just be honest, and tell her that you miss her but you're not sure what you did that caused ya'll to drift apart.

and i agree that time will help as well.

Lin said...

I was in the same situation with my cousin up until a few months ago. We were as close as sisters & then something happened (not sure what) & in a blink of an eye we were avoiding eachother. A few months ago she reached out to wish me a happy bday & I did the same when hers rolled around; we're friendly now but it's no where near where it used to be. Not sure it ever will. For now, this is enough :)

Things take time.

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

Friendships can be so difficult. They are a lot of work and it's hard to keep them up. You tried, twice. So that is on her. I feel that if I keep trying and getting nothing in return then it's not worth it (for me) and eventually give up.

It'll all work out in the end :)

ellesy said...

i don't think it makes you a bad friend that you stopped trying. you tried twice with no real response so your friend probably needed time. both people need to put in the effort for a true friendship... hopefully, down the road, your friend will want to talk things through and mend whatever it was that went awry in your friendship.

Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird said...

It sounds like maybe something could be happening? But give it time and take things slow.

I had a friend that stopped being my friend because of some events that happened. She said things, I said things and that was it. Then, about 6 months later she got back in touch with me. I tried to push her away but she kept at it and we found out friendship again and became closer than ever. She even asked me to be in her wedding.

Except then she made new friends. And we stopped seeing each other. We went from talking on the phone nearly every day and seeing each other at least once a week to practically no communication. And then she emailed me, telling me our friendship was toxic (what!?) and that we were no longer friends.

The second breakup was so much worse - mostly because I felt stupid for letting her in again.

I'm not saying this will happen to you. But remember if you two do mend things to talk it out and find out what happened to your friendship. If you don't figure that out you run the risk of never really fixing things, you know?

Anyway, good luck lady.

Kasey Lynne said...

I think it all depends on how both parties are feeling. One party, like yourself, could want to talk things out and get back to where your friendship was, but the other party might not want that at all....

I hope you two can one day talk about everything and have a real friendship again.

I'm sorry you're going through this Leesh. I hope things change for the better!